Dealing with disappointment

Life does not always go the way you want. Sometimes you don’t get the promotion you wanted or the job you applied for, or your project gets canceled. While you might take minor disappointments in stride, it can be hard to accept an outcome if you were highly invested in the venture—and maybe even sure you were going to succeed. Accepting the results and moving on are essential, but how do you do that when it feels like your world has come crashing down?

Take a deep breath. First, give yourself some time. You will probably feel many emotions—disappointment, anger, sadness, betrayal, worry . . . Allow yourself to experience your feelings, then take a moment to identify the feelings and the reasons for them. Are you worried about the consequences of this decision? Are you sad because the time and money you invested feel wasted? Are you disappointed in yourself because you think you could have done more to create a different outcome? Maybe you are disappointed in others because you believe they made the wrong decision. It may take time to overcome the initial shock and work through layers of feelings as they arise, especially if the decision came as a surprise. Be careful not to say anything you will regret, and avoid making rash decisions about your next steps.

Determine why. If possible, determine why the decision was made, and how the outcome affects you. Did the decision-makers have access to information that you did not—or were they missing a crucial piece of information? Were there competing priorities that do not align with yours? Did you make a mistake by being overconfident in the outcome? Knowing why a decision was made can help you frame a narrative and understand how similar situations might play out in the future. This information will enable you to determine how to respond and what changes are possible.

Learn. What can you learn from this experience? If you were blindsided by the decision, are there steps you can take to make sure it doesn’t happen again? If you put in a tremendous amount of effort that was rejected, is there another position or project where your efforts would be better appreciated or more aligned? Are there positive aspects to the outcome, and how can you build on those?

Alternatives. Once you accept the result, consider your options. What are your possible paths for moving forward? While changing the outcome may not be possible, is there another decision point in the future that you can start preparing for? Can you reduce the impact of the decision outcome? Is there a way you can try again by learning from this experience and moving in a new direction? Reevaluating your commitment to a group that doesn’t fully align with your goals or interests is always a consideration.

It’s never fun to be disappointed, and the bigger the disappointment, the harder it will be to move on. But wallowing in disappointment will not change the outcome and will only make you and those around you miserable in the long term. Allow yourself an appropriate amount of time to grieve the loss of what might have been, then learn what you can from the experience and move on to bigger and better things.

Get involved in the discussion. The ACS Career Tips column is published monthly in C&EN. Send your comments and ideas for topics for future columns to careernavigator@acs.org.